, is back again with their fashion-backwards take on hoop earrings or as they call them: Slave earrings:"Jewellery has always flirted with circular shapes, especially for use in making earrings. The most classic models are the slave and creole styles in gold hoops. If the name brings to the mind the decorative traditions of the women of colour who were brought to the southern Unites States during the slave trade, the latest interpretation is pure freedom. Colored stones, symbolic pendants and multiple spheres. And the evolution goes on.
"Anna Bassi, Vogue Gioiello n. 109, March 2010
I swear, this magazine is a never ending facepalm. If you thought that Vogue Italia couldn't get any worse, I got breaking news for you. No seriously. I got a scoop from a friend of a friend, who happens to know the cousin-brother-sister-uncle of the guy, who mops the floors late night at the magazine's main office. Yes he is Black. And no he is not a slave. But while rummaging through the desk...er...I mean, emptying the trashcans around the desk of Giovanna Battaglia, fashion editor for Vogue Italia, he happened to come across a company memo, which lays out in detail other trends in fashion, which Vogue will be featuring in upcoming issues.
So in the interest of keeping you abreast in all that is white entitlement-chic, I present to you Vogue Italia's top five fashion swank, as told to me by the cousin-brother-sister-uncle of the guy, who mops the floors late night at the magazine's main office:
The November 2011 issue of Vogue Italia, follows the trend of what they call Yellow Star-Couture.
Back in the day the yellow star, inscribed with the word "Jude," has become a symbol of Nazi persecution. But today, nothing symbolizes free from persecution more than the yellow star pinned to a red Robert Rodriquez tie neck blouse, which you can only matched with a pair of cream-colored of Alexander Wang Wrap Front Cropped Pants. True fashionistas know not to be caught dead at a Nazi death camp without it.
In the December 2011 issue of Vogue Italia, the magazine will pay tribute to the Native Americans with what they dub as the Small Pox blanket. Once used a tool of germ warfare against American Indians, today these versatile throws can be worn by themselves or as shawls or over top of a nice evening jacket. Made of 100 percent wool and Variola major and Variola minor.
In January 2012, Vogue Italia will bring in the year of the dragon with a 12-page pictorial on the Foo Manchu China man Mustache, which they are declaring the most important must-have in men's fashion accessories. Not only will you look wise and worldy but the thin, long mustache will tell the world that you have Five Fingers of Death and are ready for some hi-karate, Kung-Fu action.
Just in time for summer, Vogue Italia will break new ground with a June 2012 cover story about the newest trend in swimwear: the Wetback bikini. Swimming across the Rio Grande, hiding days in the barren wilderness, trying to jump borders into the United States, doesn't mean you have to do it without style. And with background-blending colors like French Lizard green, Gravel and Rock-gray and Tumbleweed brown, you will no longer have to worry about stubborn belly fat - or border patrol - in this fashionable get up.
And finally, beginning in March 2012 and running throughout the year, Vogue Italia will celebrate Woman's History month with a 10 page pictorial called The Rape Kit, which will feature dozens of images of barely legal (if at all legal) young women, posing as objects of sexual gratification in very demeaning ways.
If you are looking for the punchline, actually there is none.